Funnies For Friday

• I'm at the age where I have to make a noise when I bend over. It's the law. 

• My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative. 

• Today I was checked by Dr. B. Gee. I hope I will be stayin' alive. 

• My friend stopped by to tell me he had just been diagnosed as Dyslexic. Said he was going home to write it in his dairy. 

• When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Now we compare statins. 

• Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But smoking bacon will cure it. 

• I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you. 

• Why did the blond fail her blood test? She didn't study! 

• Just called to make an appointment with a psychic but she told me that I don't show up. 

• I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. 

• Working at a hospital is the worst cause you can't call in sick. You: "Yeah, I can't come in today, I'm sick." Boss: "Come on in, we'll check you out." 

• I'll be ill if you remove the apostrophe. 

• Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Patient: 0mg! 

• Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box. 

• If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? 

• My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him. 

• I injured my back in Egypt and had to see a Cairopractor
  

Five years ago: Wonderful World Places