A father was walking past his son’s bedroom one day and happened to look in. He was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up off the floor. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’ Fearing the worst, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. It said:
It is with great regret and sadness that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Susie and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it’s not only the passion. Dad she’s pregnant.
Don’t worry though, Susie said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Susie has also opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Susie can get better. She deserves it.
Don’t worry Dad. I’m 16 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your son Tim.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jimmy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a lousy report card…That’s in my desk drawer. I love you.
Five years ago today: Pile O' Packages