(Overheard in a conversation between God and St. Francis):
God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world
is going on down there in the United States? What happened to the dandelions,
violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow In any
type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of
St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called
the 'Suburbanites'. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to
great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't
attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want grass
St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little, they cut it...sometimes two times a week.
God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?
St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
God: Now let me get this straight...they fertilize it to make it grow
and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
St. Francis: Yes, sir.
God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back
on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
them a lot of work.
St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass
stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so
they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees.
That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket
to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they
rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of
St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall,
the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled
God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the
winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy
something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the
God: And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make mulch.
God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.
Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you
scheduled for us tonight?
St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie
God: Never mind--I think I just heard the whole story from Saint