I received this as an email from a friend. I've tried to find the author, but no luck.
When I retire, there'll be no nursing home for me. I'll be checking into a Holiday Inn.
With the average nursing home costing $188.00 per day, there's a better way when I get old and too feeble. I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $59.23 per night. Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon. That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer/dryer. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. For five dollars worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you. They'll treat you like a customer, not a patient.
There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. (While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.)
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you're not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to see Hawaii? They have Holiday Inns there, too.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an ambulance . . . or the undertaker. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, but Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grand kids can use the pool. What more could you ask for?
So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face it with a grin, and see you at the Holiday Inn!