Commandments for seniors

I'm sure you've heard the old saying "April showers bring May flowers". If that's true, the atmospheric river of rain we're scheduled to get this weekend should mean that there will be blooms everywhere! Newsweek quotes AccuWeather meteorologists, who say that a "1,000-mile swath through the central U.S. could see four months' worth of rain in only five days this week".

While I hunker down inside and stay dry, here are some funnies to ponder:

• The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.

• Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”

• Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

• I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. He’s 5 and it’s past his bedtime.

• Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

• You don't need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.

• Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.

• Talk to yourself. There are times when you need expert advice.

• Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.