Thursday, July 17, 2014

Blond MEN Jokes

From a friend:

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex.  The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."


  1. funny, first I'm hearing blond men jokes, about time.

  2. Replies
    1. You're welcome. After reading your latest post I understand

  3. Those were hilarious. If I had to pick a favorite it would have to be the dry hair one. And my husband has inquired to date of Christmas and I have to say "the 25th" in a duh tone followed by "really?"

    1. Oh, the Christmas question is just TOO funny! Maybe your husband has a Blond gene somewhere in his distant past.

  4. Hahaha! Great collection! I will be using some of these!

  5. OMG, these are funny! It's good to finally hear jokes about blonde MEN for once!

    My dad always told me that blonde is a state of mind, and that I'm of a blonde state of mind.

    1. "a blond state of mind". What a great description!